How to find a sponsor in AA, NA and other 12-step groups

What is a sponsor in a 12-step program?

A sponsor is a member of a 12-step fellowship who has made some progress in recovery and shares that experience, one to one and over time, with a newer member trying to get or stay sober. Alcoholics Anonymous calls the arrangement "unwritten and informal" and says sponsor and sponsee meet as equals (AA, 2025). Narcotics Anonymous describes a sponsor as a member living the program who builds a supportive, one-on-one relationship, mainly to help the newer member work the Twelve Steps (NA World Services, 2004).

Sponsorship is common but not required. In AA's 2022 survey of more than 6,000 members in the United States and Canada, 81% said they have a sponsor and 73% said they got one within 90 days (AA, 2022). AA notes that sponsorship is not a requirement for membership (AA, 2022). Al-Anon, the fellowship for families and friends of people who drink, uses sponsors too (Al-Anon Family Groups, 2022).

NA puts the limit plainly: a sponsor is not a legal advisor, a banker, a parent, a marriage counselor, a social worker or a therapist (NA World Services, 2004). AA adds that a doctor, not a sponsor, decides whether someone needs hospital care (AA, 2025). For how sponsorship fits the wider program, see the guides to 12-step programs, Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous.

Where do you find a sponsor?

You find a sponsor at meetings: NA calls a meeting the best place to look, and AA describes newcomers simply approaching a more experienced member they get along with. NA adds fellowship events, such as service meetings and conventions, as other places to look (NA World Services, 2004; AA, 2025).

Going to many meetings is what makes the choice possible. NA says that attending a lot of meetings helps a newer member see who they are comfortable with and who they could learn to trust (NA World Services, 2004). Many members settle into a home group, the group they attend regularly; 89% of AA members surveyed in 2022 belong to one (AA, 2022).

The following are four ways to reach meetings and members, as the fellowships describe them.

• Meeting Guide app. AA's free app for iOS and Android lists more than 150,000 weekly meetings from over 500 local AA service offices (AA, 2026).
• Local AA offices. AA's website has no meeting finder of its own; it points to local central offices and intergroups for meeting lists (AA, 2026).
• Local NA websites and phonelines. NA World Services keeps no database of in-person meetings and sends people to their nearest NA community, or to its virtual meeting finder (NA World Services, 2026).
• A temporary sponsor. AA suggests groups announce that anyone without a sponsor can see the secretary, who will arrange a temporary one (AA, 2025).

Leaving treatment or a halfway house is a common time to look. AA's pamphlet says groups that welcome newcomers from treatment programs agree that getting a sponsor as early as possible matters, even for people who learned about the Twelve Steps in treatment (AA, 2025). Some groups set up a way to welcome people arriving from institutions, treatment centers and halfway houses (AA, 2025).

What should you look for in a sponsor?

Look for a member with more time in recovery than you, who seems to be enjoying it, whom you could trust and talk to freely, and who usually shares your sex. AA says there are no specific rules but that a good sponsor "should probably be a year or more away from the last drink" (AA, 2025); NA says most members, especially newer ones, look for someone with more clean time than they have (NA World Services, 2004).

The following are six qualities the AA and NA pamphlets name.

Time and steadiness

A year or more without a drink, and a person who "should seem to be enjoying sobriety"; AA's old saying is "Stick with the winners" (AA, 2025).

Trust

Someone you feel you can learn to trust, who seems compassionate and is active in the program (NA World Services, 2004).

Step experience

AA says members who have worked the Steps are often in the best position to share their experience (AA, 2025).

Similar or not

Similar experiences can help, but many AA members say they were greatly helped by sponsors totally unlike themselves (AA, 2025).

Sex and attraction

AA suggests men sponsor men and women sponsor women, to keep the focus on the program, and notes some gay men and lesbians prefer an opposite-sex sponsor for similar reasons; NA says a same-sex sponsor feels safer for most members and strongly suggests avoiding any pairing that may lead to sexual attraction (AA, 2025; NA World Services, 2004).

Time to give

Empathy, compassion, patience and a willingness to give time to new members (AA, 2025).

Members themselves rank confidentiality highly. In a 2015 study by Edward Stevens and Leonard Jason at DePaul University, 225 adults with experience as sponsors or sponsees ranked imaginary sponsors that differed in experience, knowledge, availability, confidentiality and goal-setting; confidentiality had the largest effect on their choices and knowledge the smallest (Stevens and Jason, 2015).

Most members in both fellowships suggest having one sponsor at a time. AA and NA each say that more than one sponsor can tempt a newer member to shop for the advice they want to hear (AA, 2025; NA World Services, 2004).

How do you ask someone to be your sponsor?

To ask someone to be your sponsor, approach the member, often after a meeting, and ask in plain words whether they would sponsor you; NA's pamphlet says "all we need to do is ask." NA adds that this is simple but "may not be easy", because many people are afraid to ask (NA World Services, 2004). AA says most members are "happy and grateful" to be asked (AA, 2025).

One NA member in the pamphlet treated the first conversation like an interview: "Are we a match? What are your expectations and what are mine?" (NA World Services, 2004). AA's pamphlet says sponsor and newcomer usually talk through their commitments and expectations early in the relationship (AA, 2025). The questions card below turns those talks into a list.

If the answer is no

NA tells members to be persistent and not to take a no personally: the person may have a busy life, many sponsees or a hard stretch of their own, and the next step is to ask someone else (NA World Services, 2004).

If someone offers first

You do not have to say yes. NA notes that some members take time to look around before choosing, while others ask as soon as possible, and that either way the sponsee can change sponsors later (NA World Services, 2004).

What happens after someone agrees to sponsor you?

After someone agrees, the two of you keep in regular contact by phone, text or at meetings, and the sponsor shares experience, suggests reading or writing, and helps you work the Twelve Steps. Some sponsors say how often they expect to hear from you and others set no rule (NA World Services, 2004).

Many newcomers worry about being a burden. NA's pamphlet answers that sponsors benefit as much as sponsees, because members believe they keep their recovery by giving it away (NA World Services, 2004). AA says the same thing about sponsors' own sobriety (AA, 2025).

The following are four things the pamphlets say about the early weeks.

• You can disagree. A newcomer does not have to agree with everything a sponsor says and can ask questions when an idea sounds strange (AA, 2025).
• The sponsor will not always answer. When a sponsor can't be reached, AA suggests calling or texting other members, going to a meeting, or calling the local central office (AA, 2025).
• Distance is workable. If no sponsor lives nearby, NA says members keep in touch through technology or mail (NA World Services, 2004), and AA's pamphlet suggests sponsors be open to text messages instead of relying only on phone calls (AA, 2025).
• You can change sponsors. Members are "always free to select another sponsor" they feel more comfortable with (AA, 2025).

A relapse does not end the relationship. AA's pamphlet tells sponsors that people who slip remain welcome and suggests a return to the First Step rather than a post-mortem (AA, 2025). The guide on what to do after a relapse covers the rest.

Does having a sponsor help recovery?

Studies that follow AA and other 12-step members over time link having a sponsor, especially early on and kept over the years, with more abstinence, but these studies are observational and cannot prove the sponsor caused it. Researchers also do not yet know how sponsorship works (Tonigan and Rice, 2010; Rynes and Tonigan, 2012).

Sources: the four studies as listed under Sources, all on NIH PubMed Central. None randomly assigned people to have a sponsor.

The broader evidence is about AA itself. A 2020 Cochrane review by John Kelly, Keith Humphreys and Marica Ferri covered 27 studies with 10,565 participants. In its randomized trials, manualized Twelve-Step Facilitation, a structured treatment that encourages AA involvement, raised continuous abstinence at 12 months compared with treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy, which the review rated high-certainty evidence from two trials with 1,936 participants (Kelly, Humphreys and Ferri, 2020). That review measured AA and Twelve-Step Facilitation as a whole, not sponsorship alone.

What are the downsides and limits of having a sponsor?

A sponsor is a volunteer peer, not a professional, and the relationship can go wrong through overdependence, a poor fit or a private one-to-one setting that some groups avoid on purpose. AA's own pamphlet has separate answers on sponsors who are too firm, too protective or too casual (AA, 2025).

Not every mutual-help group uses sponsors. SMART Recovery meetings are led by trained facilitators and teach self-directed tools, and SMART suggests that someone who wants a sponsor can also attend AA or see a psychotherapist (SMART Recovery). A sponsor is one part of a wider circle; the guide to building a sober support network covers the others.